Attachment Theory founder, John Bowlby, suggested that the experiences that we have with our primary caregivers - from birth - shapes our attachment styles for all future relationships. According to Bowlby, we begin forming our attachment styles at birth, and these models (or mental constructs) form the foundation for all future relationships. For instance, a baby that is consistently ignored by her parents, even when she is crying, will soon learn that the people she depends on for her needs are unreliable and, quite logically, insecurity sets in.This insecurity, according to Bowlby, is likely to then persist and will show up in her adult relationships.
Bowlby believed that the earliest models formed were the most likely to stick with us because they exist in the subconscious.

Attachment Styles in Adults

Attachment-related behaviours lose some characteristics typical of the infant-toddler period and take on age-related tendencies. For example, the avoidant - dismissive partner doesn't cry and throw toys (usually), but instead becomes angry, aggressive and dismissive when he feels insecure.

In 1987, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver extended attachment theory to include adult romantic relationships. They identified four styles of romantic attachment in adults: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant. These roughly correspond to infant classifications.

Secure Attachment Style

¨It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.¨
 
Securely attached adults tend to be trusting, trustworthy and well endowed with self esteem. They demonstrate high regard for themselves, their partners and their relationships, and they are able to balance the need for intimacy and independence in a relationship.
 

Anxious-preoccupied Attachment Style

¨ I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.¨
 
Anxious-preoccupied adults are overly dependent on their partners and seek high levels of intimacy, approval and responsiveness from partners, becoming overly dependent. They tend to be less trusting, have less positive views about themselves and their partners, and may exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry and impulsiveness in their relationships.
 

Dismissive-avoidant Attachment Style

¨ It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.¨
 
Dismissive-avoidant adults desire a high level of independence, often appearing to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient, invulnerable to attachment feelings and not needing close relationships. They tend to suppress their feelings, dealing with rejection by distancing themselves from partners of whom they often have a poor opinion. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.
 

Fearful-avoidant Attachment Style

¨ I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.¨
 
Fearful-avoidant adults have mixed feelings about close relationships, both desiring and feeling uncomfortable with emotional closeness. They tend to mistrust their partners and view themselves as unworthy. Like dismissive-avoidant adults, fearful-avoidant adults tend to seek less intimacy, suppressing their feelings.

It was found that about 60% of adults classified themselves as having a secure attachment style, while 40% identified themselves as having an insecure attachment style. To find out your attachment style you can complete this Attachment Style Questionnaire.